Today my best friend told me she was tired of me being sad. Doesn’t she get it? So am I. I’m tired of the way I feel. I don’t feel numb, or empty, I feel full. Full of things that make me sad and heavy - so heavy that moving is hard now. So heavy that all I want to do is lay down and sleep. I don’t even want to breathe anymore, and you’re yelling at me to be happy. You telling me how great I use to be and how bland I am now, isn’t helping me one bit. Its just making me sadder. Because now my best friend doesn’t want me anymore.
I don’t know why people like me, but they do. I’m a horrible friend. I ruin people. I fake happiness. And sometimes I don’t even pay for the pizza. I have shit memory when it comes to dates of events. I’ll make you feel unimportant, and sometimes you’ll even question if I care about you. I’m either too blunt, or not honest enough. I’m confused as to why people want to be apart of my life, I feel like all I do is ruin them. I ruin the people I love.